071 – The Big Island, Hawai’i – Fire and Brimstone

Despite the angelic performance that Ciel put on at St Benedict's Painted Church,

(Erected in 1899 by Father John Velghe. Without any professional training and using house paint on ordinary wood he painted teachings on the walls of the church for his largely illiterate congregation.)

We feared it was only a matter of time before our life of sin would catch up to us.

Since simple prayer proved to be ineffective,

We recruited the Bobsie Twins,

And set out to delve into Hawaiian culture in hopes of saving our souls.

We passed Kealakekua Bay, 

En route to picturesque Ho’okena Beach,

A great place to start as there was no shortage of “philosophers” (aka pot-smoking aging hippies) to provide their insights.

Including this guy.

"My father is, like, a gazillionaire. Oh, yeah. Y'know those blue corn tortilla chips? Yeah, he invented those. Yeah, but I've only ever made money from selling herb… and my music, maaan”.  

Clearly living the dream.

He directed us south,

To explore the scorched earth,

Of Volcanoes National Park.

 (Mauna Loa)

(Kilauea ('Kil-a-way-a') Iki Crater/Lava , Lake – Erupted for 36 days (link) in 1959, still warm 50 years later)

(From the same lookout - December 1959)

After searching for the volcano goddess Pele in the steaming Sulphur Banks,

And Kilauea Caldera,

We considered offering up a human sacrifice,

But opted for a ceremonial hula instead.

Still, Pele was nowhere to be found.

She’d long since vacated the Thurston Lava Tube,

(Formed when molten lava develops an overlying hard crust, which solidifies creating a roof above the still-flowing lava stream)

Leaving us in the dark.

With that setback, we feared we were clinging to a hopeless cause.

Things were looking bleak.

You can hardly blame us for falling off the wagon.

(Volcano Winery)

 (The Fish Hopper Restaurant)

But, after a couple cleansing dips,

(Maniniʻowali Beach)

 (Kailua-Kona)

And a heart-to-heart with Poppa,

Ciel and Taz were ready to get back on the road,

In search of salvation.

At that point our only hope was to make it to the “Pu’uhonua O Honaunau” (“Place of Refuge”). Where violators of kapu (Hawaiian Laws) once fled angry hoards to avoid certain death.

We heard that after surviving the treacherous swim and inhospitable scramble over the lava rock tide pools,

We could kick back, 

Relax,

 

Play a little Konane (Hawaiian Checkers)

And, ask for absolution from the Big Kahunas.

Alas, moments before being granted forgiveness, we were chased away by the resident Green Sea Turtles.

So we set sail for safer waters.

The torrential seas made short work of our tiny craft, and we were forced to continue our voyage at the whim of nature’s beasts.

Before finding safe lodging in a nearby, uncharted kingdom.

Where we briefly cast aside our worries.

While Taz patrolled the seas on his Jetski.

However, we were fated to return to the Big Island, landing on the shores Kaloko-Honokohau National Park.

Where 300-400 year-old petroglyphs held the answer. 

To what, we're not sure.

Possibly erectile dysfunction?

With ongoing efforts appearing fruitless, we resigned to living a life of decadent indulgence.

Fortunately, our revelation came before the sun set on Grandma and Poppa's time in Hawai'i.

Thank God.